Is it tacky to ask for cash instead of wedding gifts?

Senior product manager · Bangalore, India

“Phrase it as a preference, never a price — that single distinction is the entire difference between gracious and grasping. 'Your presence is the gift; if you wish to contribute, a note toward our home means a lot' works because it specifies nothing: no amount, no target, no progress bar marching toward a honeymoon. The moment you name a figure — or worse, link a crowdfunding thermometer — you've sent an invoice, and your guests are now line items in a budget rather than people you wanted in the room. I'd also resist the urge to over-explain or justify it; the longer the note, the more it reads as a pitch. One warm, optional sentence does the whole job. Specify the sentiment, leave the sum entirely to them, and you'll find people are generous precisely because they weren't told how to be.”

Master carpenter · Melbourne, Australia

“Half my customers would honestly rather hand me cash than stand in a showroom guessing what someone they barely know wants on their shelf — and there's nothing dishonest about sparing people that guesswork. A wedding's the same. Most guests are relieved to be told 'a contribution toward the house helps us most,' because now they can give generously without the low-grade dread of buying the wrong lamp. So I've no problem with the ask itself. The only place it goes wrong is the wording: the second it sounds like a bill — a number, a demand, a tone that assumes the money's already owed — you've taken a kindness and made it a transaction. Keep it plain, keep it optional, make it easy for people to be good to you. That's all a registry ever was. You've just taken the toaster out of it.”

Restaurateur · New Orleans, USA

“In my day you gave what you gave, the couple smiled and meant it, and nobody printed their banking preferences on the good stationery. So I will be honest, as I always am: asking for the money directly still lands, to my ear, like passing a hat at the door of your own celebration. I do not doubt the couples are practical, perhaps even right about what they need. But something is lost when the gift stops being a small act of imagination — this person thought of us, and chose this — and becomes a transfer toward a stated goal. I would rather you let people surprise you, even imperfectly, even with the third salad bowl. The wrong gift, given with thought, carries more warmth than the right amount, requested in advance. Call me old. I have buried two husbands and earned my opinions.”

Rancher and former state senator · Sheridan, Wyoming, USA

“Word travels — always has — so you don't need to print a thing. If folks ask what you'd like, and plenty will, tell them straight: money's welcome and appreciated, helps us toward the house. That's an honest answer to an honest question and nobody blinks at it. The part that rubs people wrong isn't the wanting; it's the putting it in writing, right there on the invitation, like a line on a bill they never agreed to. There's a difference between a thing you'll happily say when asked and a thing you announce before anyone's asked anything. Keep it the first kind. Let the people who care enough to ask get the real answer, and let everybody else give what they give. You'll get your help toward the house, and you won't have a single cousin muttering on the drive home.”