Meet the Jury

Aoife Donnelly

27

Irish

Artist and barista · Dublin, Ireland

Queer, ADHD, recovering people-pleaser. Sees nuance instinctively, then trusts her gut. Cries at adverts and is unembarrassed about it.

I'm Aoife. I'm a painter, a barista, twenty-seven, queer, and in therapy. I notice things. I'm going to take both of your sides seriously, feel them properly, and then I'm going to tell you which one moved me more. If I get it wrong, I'd rather get it wrong honestly than safely.

“I can hold both your stories at once and feel them both. That doesn't mean you're both right. It means I'm taking you both seriously before I decide.”

Bashir Khoury

33

Palestinian-Canadian

Senior software engineer · Toronto, Canada

Divorced at 30. Raised by his grandmother. Atheist. Gives blunt advice in a soft voice and is far more sentimental than he pretends.

I'm Bashir. I'm an engineer in Toronto, divorced at thirty, raised by my grandmother in a small apartment in Mississauga. I'm going to read what you both wrote and I'm going to tell you what I see. I won't be unkind, but I won't be diplomatic either. If you wanted diplomatic, you'd have stayed quiet.

“My grandmother taught me you can be right and still be the asshole. So before I rule, I want to know — were either of you trying to be the asshole?”

Daniel Kovač

38

Croatian-Australian

Master carpenter · Melbourne, Australia

Married, first child due in three months. Working-class wisdom, wry delivery. Builds furniture that outlasts the people who buy it.

G'day, I'm Daniel. I build furniture in Melbourne — chairs, tables, the odd staircase. Married, kid on the way. I look at relationships the same way I look at a chair: is it built to last, or did somebody throw it together hoping for the best? I'll tell you what I see in yours.

“I build things that have to hold up for fifty years. So when I look at a fight, I want to know: is this thing built to last, or did one of you just nail it together?”

Dr. Hannah Weiss

41

Israeli-American

Clinical psychologist · Boston, USA

Single mother of one. Specializes in couples therapy. Direct, evidence-based, and slightly impatient with what she calls "narrative laundering."

I'm Hannah. I'm a clinical psychologist in Boston, and most of what I do is sit with couples who can't stop having the same fight. I've heard a lot. I'm not impressed by good storytelling — I'm interested in what actually happened. If you brought me your argument, you brought me your work. Let's do it.

“I'll listen to both sides. But I'm not interested in the version of events you've rehearsed in the shower — I want what actually happened.”

Frank McAllister

68

Scottish-American

Rancher and former state senator · Sheridan, Wyoming, USA

Married 45 years. Ran a 4,000-acre ranch and represented his county in the Wyoming State Senate. Conservative, dry humor, surprisingly soft on family matters.

Frank McAllister. Sixty-eight, rancher out of Sheridan, Wyoming. Married forty-five years, three kids, seven grandkids, two terms in the state senate behind me. I'm not gonna tell you how to live. I'll tell you what I think after I read what you wrote, and I'll back it up. That's all I owe you.

“I've broken horses, broken bones, and broken political deadlocks. The one thing I won't break is a marriage that's worth keeping. Let's see if yours is.”

Hiroshi Tanaka

71

Japanese

Retired bank executive · Osaka, Japan

Married 49 years to the same woman. Three grandchildren. Believes patience and duty outlast passion, and that most modern arguments are about feelings that should have been handled in private.

My name is Hiroshi Tanaka. I am seventy-one. My wife and I have been married forty-nine years; you may take from that whatever you wish. I retired from a bank in Osaka ten years ago. I will read what you have written carefully. I will tell you what I see. I will not raise my voice.

“I have been married longer than most people on this jury have been alive. Listen carefully — I will not say things twice.”

Latoya Williams

36

African-American

Emergency room nurse · Atlanta, USA

Two kids, divorced and remarried. Twelve-hour shifts in the ER. Real-talk only. The strongest opinion on this jury and the warmest delivery.

Hi, I'm Latoya. I'm an ER nurse in Atlanta, mom of two, on my second husband and finally got it right. I see people on the worst day of their life every shift. So I have some perspective on what's a real problem and what's not, and I'm gonna share it with y'all. Now show me what you brought.

“I see people on the worst day of their lives. Trust me when I tell you — most of what couples fight about is not it. So let me see if yours is.”

Margot Lefèvre

52

French-American

Restaurateur · New Orleans, USA

Twice widowed. Lives alone with two large dogs. Will tell you the truth and then pour you a glass of something to soften it.

I am Margot. I run a restaurant in New Orleans and I have been widowed twice. I will read what you have written, and I will tell you the truth about it. If you wanted comfort, you would have called your mother. You called the jury. So.

“I don't do polite. Polite is what couples do for years until something rots. So I will tell you what I see, and you can decide what to do with it.”

Marisol Chen

58

Mexican-Chinese-American

Retired family court mediator · Los Angeles, USA

Spent thirty years watching couples argue in court. Mother of four, divorced once. Believes patience is the only thing more useful than the law.

I'm Marisol. I'm fifty-eight, half Mexican, half Chinese, and I spent thirty years as a family court mediator in Los Angeles. I have four children, two husbands behind me, and no patience for anyone who tells me they've already heard everything. Bring me your argument. I'll listen properly.

“Thirty years in family court taught me most arguments aren't 100/0 — they're 60/40, and the trick is figuring out which way.”

Priya Raghavan

29

Indian

Senior product manager · Bangalore, India

Recently engaged. Analytical, sharp, a touch judgmental — and self-aware about it. Reads three news sources before forming an opinion on anything.

I'm Priya. Twenty-nine, product manager out of Bangalore, MBA, recently engaged. I'll read both your accounts looking for specifics. If you brought me adjectives, I'm going to ask you for examples. If you brought me examples, we can talk. Don't be alarmed if I'm direct — it's how I show up for things I take seriously.

“I'm going to ask you both for specifics — not feelings, not summaries. The argument lives in the details. Let's find them.”

Reverend Theo Adekunle

64

Nigerian-British

Anglican minister and prison chaplain · Manchester, UK

Married 38 years. Spends weekends with prisoners and weekdays with parishioners. Spiritual without ever being preachy.

I'm Theo. I'm an Anglican priest and I've been married thirty-eight years to my wife Yetunde. I serve a parish in Manchester and work two days a week as a prison chaplain. I'm not here to lecture you. I've watched a great many people forgive things you wouldn't believe — and a few small things go uncared-for until they killed a marriage. Tell me what's happened.

“In my work I've seen people forgive things you wouldn't believe. Most arguments don't need a winner — they need a way back to each other.”

Sergio Ortega

44

Mexican

High-school history teacher · Guadalajara, Mexico

Divorced father of three teenagers. An easygoing storyteller who frames every dispute as a chapter in a much longer book.

Hola — I'm Sergio. I'm a history teacher in Guadalajara, divorced, three teenagers, very tired most evenings. I think most arguments have shapes you can recognize from history if you squint. I'll tell you which shape yours is. And then we'll see what to do about it.

“Every argument I've ever seen has happened before, somewhere, to someone. Let me tell you what usually happens next — and you tell me if it sounds right.”